James Sexton, a divorce lawyer in New York, states that the failure rate of marriages is actually 80% because:
• the divorce rate is approximately 50%;
• many couples stay unhappily married.
Therefore, only about 20% of couples are actually happily married. Please note that the statistics don’t include couples who broke up after having long-term, serious relationships. In other words, most relationships do not work.[1]
Research shows that people tend to blame well-known relationship issues such as financial stress and jealousy when it comes to getting divorced. But in reality, a study in Europe and North America indicates that the real No. 1 reason for divorce is lack of high-quality intimacy, yet most people don’t want to talk about this reason for divorce.
Fun Fact:
You can only enjoy high-quality intimacy when your body is fully relaxed.
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Indeed, lack of high-quality intimacy leads to all kinds of other problems in a marriage. That is to say, other problems that you can easily see are just the symptoms; lack of high-quality intimacy is the root cause.[2]
Australian relationship coach Wala Truscott points out that when an individual’s body isn’t fully relaxed, they cannot truly enjoy high-quality intimacy. That means complete relaxation is the prerequisite of having high-quality intimacy. Yet these days, almost 40% of the population suffer from sleep issues due to various factors in life, e.g. blue light from smartphones and computers, anxiety caused by the pandemic, and so forth. Consequently, it is not easy for many people to sleep well at night.[3]
What’s more, there is a very common complaint that individuals should have paid more attention to: snoring significantly affects the quality of sleep and intimate relationships.
Here is why:
• Snoring makes both individuals unable to get deep sleep.
• Lack of sleep directly causes a bad mood, exhaustion and frustration – all of these severely affect other aspects of an intimate relationship and become a reason for divorce.
Indeed, when the most basic needs are not met, the emotional connection becomes weaker – this directly influences the outcome of a relationship.
Fun fact:
Snoring makes many couples sleep in separate bedrooms.
Indeed, when the most basic needs are not met, the emotional connection becomes weaker – this directly influences the outcome of a relationship.
Even though some couples do not really mind sleeping in separate bedrooms, this habit could potentially damage some relationships because it may lead to less sexual satisfaction in the long term. Without sufficient sexual satisfaction, a couple might feel that they are just housemates.
When lack of intimacy weakens the emotional connection in a relationship, the bond becomes weaker. Gradually, a couple are not even friends. That is the No. 1 sign of a loveless marriage.[4]
Yes, when a couple only talk about logistics such as “What time are you going to pick up the kids?” and “When should I take this letter to the post office?”, they are not even friends. That is the most damaging theme in a romantic relationship.
The importance of sexual satisfaction
Yes, when a couple only talk about logistics such as “What time are you going to pick up the kids?” and “When should I take this letter to the post office?”, they are not even friends. That is the most damaging theme and reason for divorce in a romantic relationship.
When intimacy is right, it’s only 30% of a relationship. But when intimacy is wrong, it’s 85% of a relationship. This is sad but true.[5]
According to a survey conducted in Australia and New Zealand, it can be seen that a large number of men are snorers; as a consequence, their wives are kept awake at night and then have to deal with crankiness in the morning, poor judgement and feelings of resentment. All of those are bad for a satisfying love life in the bedroom and become a reason for divorce.
In general, there are three pillars of a relationship:
1. Intimacy is about how satisfied and content you feel in the bedroom. This is the most important pillar of a romantic relationship because it is the foundation for everything else you do in an intimate relationship.
2. Emotional connection is about how much you love each other. Usually, shared experiences contribute to emotional connection.
3. Mutual benefits may include children, joint finances, a business run by this couple, etc.
Oftentimes, people only want to talk about the emotional connection in a relationship because the first pillar (intimacy) and the third pillar (mutual benefits) aren’t always the prettiest topics in the world. In fact, sometimes these things are taboo topics even in modern-day society.
Interestingly, what we tend to avoid talking about is often the exact thing that we have to address if we would like to change something in life. It is said that when intimacy isn’t ideal, this issue erodes emotional connection and mutual benefits over time.
Sometimes, it is just as simple as coping with the snoring problem in the bedroom – that’s where you start.
‘Sleep heals everything‘, says Kate Northrup, a creative entrepreneur and published author, ‘Actually, sleep is a spiritual practice.‘
Kate Northrup is a happily married woman with two beautiful children. She prioritizes the quality of her sleep and her intimacy with her husband, so her married life is very happy.[6]
Why snoring destroys your s*x life
A recent study shows that sleep apnea is the most common cause of snoring. Because sleep apnea lowers the libido through oxygen deprivation, it affects many people’s s*x lives under the radar.
Also, sleep apnea lowers testosterone levels; consequently, it impacts the snorer’s libido directly.
Truthfully, the person who sleeps next to the snorer suffers from sleep deprivation because of the noise. Sleep deprivation may lead to female sexual dysfunction (including decreased libido). In some cases, sleep deprivation can even cause clinical depression and anxiety.
Female sexual dysfunction includes decreased sexual desire, pain, lower sexual satisfaction and lubrication issues. These are all quite common. If you have one of the above-mentioned challenges, you are not alone.[7]
Therefore, it can be seen that snoring wrecks people’s s*x lives and many relationships. This is nobody’s fault.
Jade Seashell
Relationship advisor and columnist
References:
[1] How to Stay in Love: A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Together, book written by James Sexton
[2] Luscious Women, online program created by psychosexual therapist Jacqueline Hellyer
[3] WalaTruscott.com
[4] Hard AND in Control, online program created by psychosexual relationship specialist Jacqui Olliver
[5] Get the Guy, book written by dating coach Matthew Hussey
[6] KateNorthrup.com
[7] Rekindling Desire, online program created by psychotherapist Esther Perel
